Terry the MOO
Goes Troppo in Yeppoon

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We travelled to a place called a Resort, which seems to be a place where overweight, pale-skinned rich people come to become even more overweight, bright red and much less wealthy. I am sure there is a point to that but it escapes this calf for the moment.

There were lush gardens, a huge puddle of clear but funny smelling water and lots of people in various states of undress. Being a sensible heiffer, I knew to stay out of the hot sun, but I saw some humans getting nearly completely undressed, lying in the sun and casually basting themselves with oils ... something tells me a microwave would cook them faster but there is no pleasing some people.

There were bicycles to hire, motorbikes and buggys, but they refused to hand over the keys to a calf - I thought that was a little unfair, even though I could not reach the pedals - talk about species-ist.

I noticed that the ground was not dirty but covered with a rather fine powder - my human called it sand. It was white and under the sun, there was a lot of glare - I borrowed some human eye shields to try to cut down on the glare but they didn't seem to fit very well.

The sand was soft under hoof and squeeked when heavy humans walked on it. These places are called beeches, apparently, and it would seem that our country has a lot of them - this was my first time but I figured if Australian beeches were close to as nice as this, then we are indeed a lucky country.

Looking down the beech towards the water, I noticed I could see more land stuck in the middle of it - I wondered if that it is Japan (I remember flying over large amounts of water to get there). I do not know the names of many places far away - perhaps I will get to travel some more?

At the edges of the water, there seemed to be something making the water rough, and it sloshed up and down the beech in an interesting way, making soothing sloshing sounds as it did.

It was very relaxing sitting on the sand, listening to the sound of distant sloshing, and the sqwark of birds flying overhead. A cow could get used to this.

When in Yeppoon, do as the Yeppoonians do I thought, so I decided to cowbake.

I didn't have any oil to baste myself, and I didn't spend too long out in the sun either but it was relaxing lying there imagining seeing all sorts of patterns in the white fluffy things high in the sky.

We found a boat that had been washed up on the beech and I climbed onboard. Seeing as it was September 19, I spoke like a pirate and pretended to keel haul the main jib, shorten the cabin boy and walk the plank. Boatses are trickey places for hoofed feet and I was really glad this boat was not on the water as I would slip overboard I think.

Something tells me that an animal with 4 stomachs could get seriously seasick, but I do not think I was cut out to be a seaman (a bit like Uncle Boris the Bullock, who was cut out of being a seaman also - at least I think that is what he said).

I climbed a tree my human called a co-co nut tree (or something similar) but when I got to the top, I did not find any cocoa or nuts or any chocolate product at all, just these giant round things that seemed to be full of watery stuff and the white stuff inside them tasted like the coating on lamingtons.

I do wish humans would get their facts straight.

A nice brawny man named Sven offered to give me a full body MOOsage, which involves rubbing muscles all over my body. Sven moved muscles I did not know I had, and afterwards I needed a swim in the pool so I was not so relaxed.

Apparently humans use moosage as a way to unwind (although I am not sure what it is that they unwind using this method) but I wholeheartedly approve of this practice. I can not wait for my pet human to organise another moosage for me - Sven was very gentle and his nickname "magic fingers" is well earned - he certainly knew how to treat a young calf.

I met a bullcalf named "fathomabull" at a trade show who seemed to be nice, a bit stand-offish, but he went off with someone called Door Prize (I think I heard that right).

I am unsure what trade was involved as there just seemed to be computer geeks there (which I have a natural affinity towards).

I was re-introduced to a great crowd of QSITERs, who were drinking grape juice and other strange smelling things. Being a sensible calf (and having seen the results of drinking excessive amounts of odd things whilst in Adelaide) I decided to stick to water. I know how important it is to potential milk producers to stay really well hydrated - I assume it is the same with humans.

There were lots of stories, many that I did not understand but the vibe was good and the company was vibrant and hungry.

The humans were treated to large mounds of food they called a buffet. There were many indescribable things from the sea - slimy things in shells, things with lots of legs, things in shells and things called bugs that looked like no insect I had ever seen.

There were vats of hot steaming food also - my favourite were the pawns which were these orange crunchy things with a slightly fishy taste. The humans around me took the crunchy outer coating off theirs, but I found that really difficult without opposable thumbs.

I met up with many people, in all sorts of states. Aunty Jane (a MOO lover from waaaaay back) and Auntie Marianne were very welcoming. Auntie Jane appeared to be a little fragile, obviously she was working long and hard last night. All the team from the Learning Place were very hard workers that night apparently - they had a lot of polishing off to do, but would not confirm what was being polished.

We had dessert - Pavlova with lashings of cream like my mother used to make (the cream, not the pavlova - she was a cow obviously and not very able in the kitchen). After a hectic day it was time to go off to bed - QSITers are some of my favourite people.